Last night, I defined the Christian sexual-identity terms I use frequently on this blog, using the commonly accepted language of sides. I included this table with a set of six questions a same-sex-attracted Christian might ask themselves if they’re trying to figure out which “side” they’re on:
Issue | Side A | Side B | Side Y | Side X |
May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of my own gender? | Yes | No | No | No |
May I identify as “gay”? | Yes | Yes | No | No |
Should I publicly “come out of the closet”? | Yes | Yes | Yes | No |
May I covenant with another member of my own gender in a celibate life partnership? | No (it’s unnecessary—just get married) | Yes | Maybe/no | No |
May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex? | If you did, you probably wouldn’t identify as “Side A” but rather as bisexual | Yes, but it’s unlikely you will | Yes, it’s possible | Yes, it’s encouraged |
Should I pursue sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE)? | No | Probably not | They’re an option but not necessary | Yes, they’re encouraged |
The Questions
In the interest of full disclosure, it’s only fair that I answer each of those questions about myself for my readers:
- May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of my own gender?
I strongly believe that same-sex sexual intercourse is forbidden by God’s word, by church tradition, and by the leading of the Holy Spirit: Sides B, Y, or X.
- May I identify as “gay”?
On this question, I haven’t yet arrived at an answer. I suppose that would mean I’m in between Sides B and Y, leaning B-ward.
- Should I publicly “come out of the closet”?
I have absolutely no problem with other celibate believers publicly admitting that they experience same-sex attraction or identifying as gay. However, I personally have not yet done so, so if I’m being honest I suppose that means I’m in between Sides Y and X. I look forward to the day when (yes, when) I will finally come out of the closet.
- May I covenant with another member of my own gender in a celibate life partnership?
Gosh, I long for the answer to this question to be Yes. But I need to spend more time studying this and discerning where the godly boundaries lie. For the time being, I’ll say: in between Sides B and Y, leaning B-ward.
- May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex?
I celebrate with other same-sex-attracted Christians who choose this route in honesty and vulnerability with their opposite-sex spouse, but I doubt it’s God’s intention for me: Side B
- Should I pursue sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE)?
I did, it was bad, and that’s all I care to say about it at the moment. Obviously, my position is colored by my bias from experience, but for now I’ll say: in between Sides B and Y, leaning B-ward.
My Answers
Visually, here’s what my answers to these questions looks like on the table I devised, with RED cells representing strong disagreement, GREEN cells representing agreement, LIGHT GREEN cells representing uncertain agreement, and white cells representing a neutral opinion:
Issue | Side A | Side B | Side Y | Side X |
May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of my own gender? | Yes | No | No | No |
May I identify as “gay”? | Yes | Yes | No | No |
Should I publicly “come out of the closet”? | Yes | Yes | Yes | No |
May I covenant with another member of my own gender in a celibate life partnership? | No (it’s unnecessary—just get married) | Yes | No | No |
May I marry and then have sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex? | If you did, you probably wouldn’t identify as “Side A” but rather as bisexual | Yes, but it’s unlikely you will | Yes, it’s possible | Yes, it’s encouraged |
Should I pursue sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE)? | No | Probably not | They’re an option but not necessary | Yes, they’re encouraged |
In Conclusion
Q: Where does this leave me?
A: Hesitant to assign a “Side” letter to myself, but continuing to become increasingly comfortable as a “Side-B” celibate gay Christian.
Updated 11 August 2018: Updated my answers to the following questions above:
- Question #2: Now leaning toward Side-B instead of ambivalent between B and Y.
- Question #3: Expressed my enthusiasm for someday coming out of the closet.
- Question #4: Changed position from leaning-Y to leaning-B.
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