What if part of being celibate just is feeling perpetually under-loved in the way you want to be loved? What if part of being celibate is giving up not only sex but also covenantal physical proximity in chaste friendship?
I’ve been asking the very same questions myself, for quite a while now. If the answer to them is Yes, I seriously wonder about the long-term viability of the celibate vocation for most people outside monastic communities. I have pleaded with God that the answer to these questions be No, that I can and will be permitted to love in the way I yearn to love and have that love returned, that someday my vowed friend/celibate partner/anam cara/spiritual brother will enjoy covenanting with me as much as I foresee enjoying covenanting with him.
Check out this heartwrenching piece, “Love, Again.”